Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Answer the question, mothafucka

So I'm sittin in the back of a
C H R Y S L E R
smokin some
GOOD ass weed
with my...man
...the love of my life
...my boyyyyy toyyyy

see, cause I used to feel like a million tonight
(but I'd take em two at a time)
until he came up and saw me sometime
and I soon realized
that it's not the men in ya life,
it's the LIFE! in ya MEN!

(so to move away from
what the inner gay circles call
QUEENING OUT)

I was smokin some
GOOD ass weed
in the back of a chrysler
with my BOY. TOY.
and i remembered smokin some
GOOD ass weed
in the back of his house...
WITH THE PARENTS STILL IN THERE

and my love for him just overcame me,
love beating out the THC
for the territory of the blood in my veins,
and I got the courage
the balls
to say "HELLO...BOY. TOY."

and I thought he was perfect,
until that very moment
when I let myself go
and the good for nothing jackass
opened his mouth
and had the courage
the balls to say:
"Yo, pfft haha, you such a queen, yo."

...HA. HA. HA
What the hell do you mean by that?

"Nah, baby, don't get offended,
but you lookin like Joan Crawford right now"

...
MOTHA
FUCKA.
DO YOU WANT ME TO KILL YO FAMILY?
WHO THE FUCK
HAS THE NERVE
TO BRING JOAN UP IN THIS CONVERSATION?

Who has the chutzpah to bring up
the Queen of Hollywood in this dialogue
of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Monkey's hide?!
What has she ever done
except beat a few children
and make Trog her last movie?!

Who do you want me to be,
Clark motherfuckin Gable?!

Oh...I get it...
classic actresses ain't REAL MEN.

They haven't been torn apart
like a feature film starring Elizabeth Taylor
(after the weight gain)
by their uncles
and their drunken failures of a father
who beat into them
the drone-like chantings of
"I wanna be just like
Al Pacino!
Clint Eastwood!
Cary Grant!"

They weren't real men
like
Rock Hudson
like
James Dean
like
evn Marlon Brando

all men who slammed
and debonaired
and fought in the street
until the layers just flowed
into their souls
like the Benjamin Franklins
sifting aimlessly onto their laps
because the forbidden fruit-flavored
sun-kissed lilacs of success
blinded their terror
over being
DIFFERENT.

but let me tell ya somethin honey.

Mr. Cary Grant
would have sold his
testicles
fake wife
3rd boat called The True Love
for a chance
to wear that Bette Davis dress
in All About Eve

where she's
stomping
down
the stairs
and she says
FAAAAAAAASTEN YO SEAT! BELTS!
IT"S GOIIIING TO BEEEE A
BUUUUUUUUM!
PY NIGHT!

and sashaying away
cigarette in hand
waving it from left to right
left
to
right
making acrobats
out of all the stomachs
in that ballroom

but still elegant!
and classy!
and over the top
because she knew
the greatest role of one's life
was LIFE
and the boy watching her knew too,
practically grabbing onto her leg
like the son of a mother he never had

because he had one
that took him to doctor's appointments
and was an absolute joy
when her son remembered
to don his designated censor bar

but not one so
FAH-BYOO-LUSS

who had the REAL
courage
the real
BALLS
to tear up a fuckin room
all because
OF A WIRRRRRE HANGER!!!!

"WHAT'S WIRE HANGERS
DOING
IN THIS
CLOSET!"

And THAT
Mr. Paul Newman
is why I
have a poster
of MISS! BETTE! DA! VISSSSS!
right in front of my bed
so it can be the last thing i say good night to
with the word "GOD" taped right above it

and I pray!
"In the name of
BUT YA ARRRRRE
BLANCHE
YA ARRRRRRRRE
IN THAT CHAIR...."

9 comments:

  1. Omg. I haven't even finished reading this but know this is brilliance.

    My love for the classic has paid off in a big way :)

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  2. niice I liked it.. even though I don't watch classic movies i can def. see the beauty of them and of their actresses. and the way you wrote it i can almost hear u saying it even though i've never talked to u...so yeah that's my humble opinion =)

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  3. hahaha Pedro omg I love you so much man

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  4. lmao this is fantastic

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  5. LMAO!!! I love it!!! and its even better when you perform it! It's awesome!

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  6. Asia (the continent)September 28, 2009 at 4:18 PM

    This is FAH-BYOO-LUSS!!!! =]

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  7. hahaha pedro you're too silly! i dig it

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